Emotions? In the Workplace? Let's get granular.
Have you ever encountered these narratives?
Emotions have no place in the workplace….
… well, certainly not ‘bad’ emotions. (There are good emotions and bad emotions.)
You can tell how someone is really feeling by watching their body language!
For one full year, my colleague Jessie Stettin and I ventured out (or, ventured in) with a group of co-workers on a journey of exploring emotions in depth, with granularity.
We kicked off our expedition by examining various schools of thought and research into what emotions even are. For example, Lisa Feldman Barrett offers the theory of constructed emotion, essentially that emotions are constructed predictively by the brain based on what’s we’re feeling physiologically, what we're noticing around us, and what we've experienced in the past. This particular framing challenges some previously held notions that painted emotions as these hard-wired, universally felt reactions that left us at their mercy and varied little across humanity. We felt it first important to acknowledge that what we know about emotions continues to evolve. And with this latest theory, it gives us open space to study our emotions with a renewed effort to comprehend them, learn from them, and navigate them.
But let’s back up. Does any of this matter in the workplace? If it does, then why? We came to believe that understanding and getting skillful with our emotions at work helps us:
Be better at our jobs. In any role (manager, researcher, storyteller, client relationship builder, teammate, etc.) by delving into emotions as signposts, we connect more deeply to what we and others value and need, whether or not those needs are being met, and how to communicate. This lays the foundation for getting to the root of what really matters.
Learn and grow. When our emotions are dysregulated, our body uses a whole lot of its limited resources to try and manage this dysregulation which limits our capacity to take in and retain new ideas. Our learning minds essentially go ‘off-line.’ Once regulated, we are better resourced to learn new skills and take in new ways of thinking with more openness.
Improve overall health. Without tools, without language to identify our emotions clearly, we run the risk of getting ‘stuck’ in an emotional pattern that we struggle even to accurately describe, let alone regulate or navigate. Feelings of stress, as an example, are not problematic in and of themselves; it’s when we are unable to name what’s really going on, i.e., which of our needs are not being met, it is that inability to examine what’s truly at play, that seems to be when trouble arises. Trying to bury or numb feelings. Emotional burn-out at work. Taking it out on others. etc. Or, simply languishing without insight into what might be needed to move forward productively. Conversely, navigating our emotions with skill can, in our experience, lead to closer, higher quality relationships, which studies often point to as the key determinant for overall quality of life.
Thus convinced that gaining emotional agility would serve us well in the workplace (and in life), Jessie and I mapped out the year’s journey using another sort of map: the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence’s Emotional Granularity Chart. Each month, we selected 3 of the 100 emotions on the map, and as a group, we explored them from all sorts of angles, using a range of approaches. We self-reflected; how does this emotion feel in our physical bodies, what sensations do we tend to experience when in this emotional state? What imagery comes to mind? What associated thoughts accompany this emotion, and where might they stem from in our own lives and histories? We listened to music and selected works of art that represent how an emotion could feel. And then we invited people to share - if and as they wish - whatever was true for them.
By the end of the year, we had explored with depth and granularity 36 emotions, ranging from those that tend to feel pleasant (e.g. hopeful, elated, motivated, content, calm) to those that tend to feel unpleasant (e.g. frustrated, angry, excluded, anxious, deflated). As individuals within a group format, we learned to discern the often subtle differences between emotions that are often thought to be interchangeable, and examine what each of these feelings signals for each of us.
Following our final leg of the journey, Jessie and I reflected together on what we took away from the experience. Here are just a few of our reflections, which in turn challenged each of those 3 common narratives.
Emotions have no place in the workplace? Emotions exist in the workplace (as in all places), whether we like it or not. But in fact, we happen to like it, because emotions are the gateway to discovery about ourselves and each other, and learning about emotional granularity showed us how we can be better at our jobs (and better managers, teammates, partners, etc.), learn more effectively, and experience healthier lives.
But not the ‘bad’ emotions, right? In fact, we learned that there are no ‘bad’ emotions. While there are emotions that feel unpleasant, all emotions hold value when we recognize them as teachers. We found emotions to serve as indicator lights for what needs are being met or not met, a compass for where to direct attention for action, or compassion. Failing to do so is like driving towards an intersection and labeling a stop sign as a “bad sign” because it is the color red. When we got granular, we discovered nuance and often clarity in a terrain that might otherwise may feel vague and unknowable.
Can’t we skip the conversation and just watch body language? Body language may be a ‘data point,’ but it is not a proxy for having an overt dialogue about how we are feeling, and it doesn’t always reveal ‘the truth.’ Emotions are fluid, felt and expressed in unique ways. No two people felt the same emotions each and every time we gathered as a group, nor did we experience or express each emotion in exactly the same way. We could only really know how we are feeling when we ask ourselves and each other, and then remember to listen. Is that ‘easy?’ Not always! It may take time and courage to learn about yourself, to identify what it is you are feeling. Dialogue often requires vulnerability, which means it must be built on a foundation of trust and sense of safety.
Does exploring Emotional Granularity make sense in all work environments? Maybe. Does pretending that emotions don’t exist - or concluding that we know with certainty how anyone else is feeling without asking - lead to helpful outcomes? Likely not!
Speaking for myself, following this intensive learning journey, I am feeling grateful, connected, and inspired.
Look out for my upcoming emotional health & healing workshops that incorporate elements of what I’ve learned these past 12+ months, building on a foundation first set years ago in Kate Graham’s Soulful Yoga Therapy training. From my brain, body, and heart, to yours.
